The summer holiday is over… The holiday was so great, I can’t say that any of us was waiting the beginning of the school. We loved the freedom we had, we liked being at home, we liked the travels. Summer holiday is actually always fun, because we can be together a lot and have fun 🙂
But school started last Thursday, and now I have two schoolboys, and I have no children in kindergarten, which didn’t happen in the last six years. So this is a new beginning, we are getting used to the new circumstances.
On Sunday evening, with only two schooldays behind them the boys started to complain that they don’t want to go to school. Mate, my middle son was the more desperate. I started kidding them, then Kristof joined me, so finally we managed to make Mate laugh a lot. I wanted to get him out of this bad mood, I thought that kidding about their problem was the best solution 🙂 But then as we were joking with each other, we got back again and again to that point that Mate doesn’t want to go to school. I asked why. He said because they have many lessons and it’s just bad, he can’t say why exactly. I temporarily discarded the fact that he enjoyed being in school on Friday, then I told him that I really understand his feelings, that he doesn’t want to go, and I believe that this is bad for him. But he just must go, we can’t do anything. Then he slowly accepted this, and went to sleep.
This evening brought some kind of a recognition for me: the importance of how you say things. I have to confess that sometimes I’m not patient with my kids 🙁 During the last school-year it occurred time to time (which I’m not proud of) that I was impatient, and when they started this ‘I don’t want to go to school or kindergarten’ stuff, I just replied something like this: ‘OK, I know that, but what can we do? You just have to go.’ And that was it… This means actually the same that I replied on this Sunday, but I just realized the significant difference regarding the empathy I showed to my children. This Sunday I reassured Mate that I do care about his problem, I understand him, and shared my opinion with him that it’s OK to feel bad about going to school, but we can’t do anything against it. So we should just try to let it go… and in the end he managed to do so.
When I was thinking about this, I understood the importance of truly listening to our children’s voice and to make them feel that we are with them, even if we can’t solve their problem. I think what they mainly need in these situations is our presence and patience. You don’t necessarily have to cheer up your child, or say something smart, or give smart advice. Your child needs to feel that you take him seriously, and you don’t underestimate his problem, and you pay attention and listen to him or her. Also you need to accept that they feel bad about something, you don’t have to fight against it, because it is something that he has to experience at that very moment.
This is something that sounds easy to do, but you really need a lot of patience for that. I decided many times that, ‘Yes, I’ll always do it this way.’ But when they start repeating the ‘don’t want to go’ stuff on Sunday, and they keep telling me that until Friday, especially in the morning when we have to rush with them, and in the evening when they should go to sleep already, then I just can’t always do it that way… I lose my patience.
In general, I lose my patience easily, this is something that I’m aware of, but I have been trying to improve myself in it for a while 🙂 I’m proud of those moments when I manage to keep calm, and this recognition gives me additional motivation to do it even better 🙂 So be present with your child, be patient and listen to them, it’s worth it 🙂