Stop arguing, focus on what’s going on inside

Our argument with my oldest son

The argument, that I’m going to share with you now, happened today. The argument took place between me and my oldest son (11-year-old). I think, it would be the best if I wrote down the conversation, how it was… So here it is 🙂

Our interaction

Me (frustrated a bit because of doing the housework for at least an hour, and could see hardly any result): Kristof, please get your bag and your phone, and take them in your room.

Kristof (sighing and replying not too enthusiastically): OK, I’m coming….

Me (angry and frustrated): Why are you sighing? Is it so hard to take your stuffs in your room? I’m doing the housework, haven’t stopped for a second and still have many things to do, you sit there, and when I ask something, you sigh???

Kristof (a little angry): OK Mom, I didn’t tell you that I wouldn’t do it, I was just sighing, because I didn’t want to do it, but you can see that I’m doing it. Is it really a problem that I express my emotion with a sigh, showing I don’t want to do something?

Me (in a calmer manner, but still frustrated a bit): OK, and is that a problem, that I express my emotions, that I feel frustrated and angry (because doing all these stuffs, and seeing hardly any results), and then you sigh, when I ask quite a small thing. So am I also allowed to express my emotions?

Kristof (thinking a bit about it): Yes, Mom, you’re allowed.

Me (calmed down entirely): And you’re allowed too, Sweetheart 🙂 Sorry for being mean…

Why am I proud of this argument?

It was kind of like a mindful argument. We became aware of our emotions, we acknowledged them, we recognized the reasons and then we simply stepped out of the drama. We didn’t keep on arguing… Actually the moment we looked at our drama, it started to disappear. We didn’t want to hurt each other, so we stopped arguing. And I do appreciate that it was not a big deal… But you know sometimes, we tend to make issues bigger than they actually are. We tend to exaggerate problems, especially if we are tired, frustrated, worried, whatever…. And basically that is how we create our drama. As you could see, I didn’t have problem with that sigh, actually I had my own problem, I was frustrated and so I projected my frustration to my son. But as you could also see becoming aware of our emotions, becoming aware of the drama itself, can help a lot. Just be mindful, and you’ll realize, when you create your drama… And when you notice it, you have the choice to step out of it 🙂

And of course needless to say, how proud I am of my son. It is so nice to experience on a day to day basis how wise my sons are. It’s so nice to see our improvements together as a family. Because it wasn’t like this all the time. We started our spiritual (or we can say mindful as well) journey about 5 years ago, and I can see a great difference. We’ve changed so much in a positive way. So be mindful, become aware of your emotions and let go of drama 🙂

PS.: If you want to reduce conflicts and drama in your life, feel free to join our Facebook Group, Letting go of Drama and Healing Spiritually

 

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